I grew up in the church. I started going to a Christian school in kindergarten, and went to church every Sunday with my family. Despite growing up in the church it wasn’t until my eighth grade year that I started to understand how much I truly needed a savior. I came to this realization through two very important mentors in my life, my Bible teacher and my school pastor. These two men were always so patient and kind to everyone they met, even the difficult students at my school. Seeing how they treated others made me want to do better, and I knew the only way I could do that was through Christ.
My family consists of two loving parents, and three older sisters. I grew very close to one of my sisters, Hadley. She was the one closest in age to me, and we shared a love for the sport of swimming. Once my two oldest sisters moved out, Hadley and I got even closer. She was the first person I went to for all of my problems.
The summer before my freshmen year though, Hadley moved out to college in Arizona (a long way from my home in North Dakota). I really struggled with dealing with my sister, and best friend, moving across the country. Now it was just me and my parents left at home. I started filling up my schedule with school, sports, and church events, anything but going to my now empty home.
At the start of my freshmen year I started developing depression. I dealt with these feelings of loneliness and stress by cutting myself. For months I was in the habit of hurting myself every day. That is, until I told my pastor about what was going on. He called my parents, and I started going to therapy. From that moment forward, I started meeting with this Pastor regularly, and many of my devotions are things that I’ve learned from him.
Even though I had support, it still took me many months to reach a somewhat healthy mental state. My mental and spiritual health would fluctuate regularly. I would go through a depressive episode and forget all that God had provided for me in the past, then I would experience an answered prayer or read a comforting verse and feel better for a few days. It wasn’t until I started truly believing that God had a good plan for my future that I started getting better. I started seeing God when He was working in my life and the lives of those around me, and even when I felt distant from God I was able to remember what He had done for me in the past.
A passage in the Bible that comforted me throughout all of my struggles is Psalm 20. Verse 1: “May the Lord answer you when you are in distress”. Verses 4-5 “May He give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. May we shout for joy over your victory and lift up our banners in the name of our God.” God gave me this verse during a very low point in my mental health. I was crying out to God, and I opened up my Bible. This random psalm was what I opened up to, and in that moment, I felt a wave of comfort.
Now I’m using the passion for writing and love for theology to make this website. My prayer is that I can provide clarity or some form of comfort in sharing my story. If you want to know more about the little stories and lessons I’ve learned, please look at the devotions page.